So with a friendly push from what is happening in a friend’s life and i thank her so very much, I was presented to look again at my own relationships, well one in particular. So in conjunction with the reading I had and asking for clarity during the nights sleep which did not bring much other than to speak of everyone having something special to offer for the collective humans and that I was shielding or some sort of shield to them. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do about anything.
Knowing that there is a time when we must make a decision to face things for what they are that will perhaps change the course you may go is daunting. With the knowing that if you truly have the love for others as in the unconditional kind then we must face some things to allow the choices to be and allow the unfolding of what is.
There is also the peace of knowing that we have things we are all here to do while we are participating in this play of being human.
While I am going through the emotions of how can I have seen ‘visions’ that was showing me a possible of things to come which would not correlate to what was happening made it all the more confusing.
What I realized in the process of feeling and wanting to do what is best for all, I did the only thing I felt was the right thing to do. Some times you just have to go with your gut and then just do it.
What was this ‘right thing to do’? Well during this whole time of interacting with this person we’ll call him Neal, I had tried to be there as the friend and give as that. As that friend you just want the other to be happy in their life. When one is ‘happy’ in their life there really is nothing better. They see the world as something beautiful (which she, the world, is already) and everything goes well for them. They literally radiate the joy and happiness that life can be for all.
So yes I did confront what i should and with the perspective of what I had, I advised my friend Neal, accordingly. I did not wish to occupy his time or take up space when there were possibly others who they may feel more towards to allow for a more powerful/meaningful relationship. Communication has been fair at best and thinking I had said enough about my own wishes had continued on in a more friendship manner.
I will explain in brief if I can. I had received a message from an acquaintance who was a close friend of my unknown category of friend Neal. This had come during my time of personal crisis between the unsavory job and my friend Neal. So I had decided to forgo the relationship (i saw one – he did not ) since I was not desired as such.
Here entered the my acquaintance, we’ll call him Walter (one of Neal’s close friends when he was living physically). I was advised to allow the connection and not to close it since it was necessary I still assist/help Neal. Yes, I know you are thinking I am delusional and making this some thing so I can continue with the feeling of purpose. And no I could not turn down this request for many reasons. So for another eight months I continued in a more friend manner or tried anyway but you know how feelings can get in the way. I do what was requested on one level and on the other my feelings seemed to amplify.
It came to that point I could not fight it and had to just let it be …whatever it is.
Now comes current time of confronting pictures of a couple including Neal and not me. It hurt like hell but understood that it was time to let this go and be done ‘helping’.
Here came the kicker, Walter came through again more like a movie star presense this time. He had gone away for a while and only recently saw him hanging in the background smiling, but did not say a word. I guess it was time for some words. Since I was yelling out to him and possibly due to my own anxiety level, he finally came out and allowed me to be enveloped by him and I cried, really hard with heaving sobs. I recall asking aren’t I done, I hurt and don’t want to do this anymore. He let me cry it all out. When I was done, we sat at a table in a club like atmosphere very light more like glowing daylight and we were sipping some drinks.
He looked at me and said, it is all fine. You are doing great and no this is not done. Just do what you do best. He then got up and left and it felt like the rest of the crowd that was there was also leaving this club like atmosphere. I stood up and wanted to go with him but my feet were stuck where they were and I couldn’t move. I thought I was hanging my head and feeling sorrowful but what was really happening and Walter was smiling the whole time looking at me from above the stairs, I started to glow and felt I was growing wings. I know how that sounds and this is more symbolic, usually is what I get.
Yes I have been trying to understand what or why it was shown like that so I have to keep this one in the back of my head to think about it some more.
And so life continues….BE the wonder you all are and Love as you know we should. Love and Light to all. My heart is light and yet heavy at the same time. Be Well, everyone. sorry for such a long odd story….may it help someone.