Money and Me

Money and me

What can I say is everything seems to tie in with the value we see as money. For me since I don’t seem to have any brings up the question why. Why is it that those around me seem to be able to attract it somehow even if they deem it to be small or not enough in their eyes. Where for me it is much more than survival amount so I think it is so much more.

This is where I see those around me being able to attract it where I seem to be struggling to have enough. Is the view skewed to what I believe is my worth. I wonder about this a lot. The word is that we attach our worth to the value we see as money. So I go inward and today I think I was able to see a bit more to help me see why.

Today I received a check for more than the amount I was expecting for a small job that I was able to do. Yes it has a purpose and yes I will keep it for that as well. The point is it highlighted a part of me which basically called me to see how I did see my worth. Whether it was a job or how much it was, it made me aware that there was something given freely and trustingly to me when at a time I felt no one could see that.

Like I mentioned in previous entry, I finally got another job so I can sustain myself in this 3D-ness until we all can bridge towards the next great part that will be. For the past little more than a year’s time, I have gotten repeatedly that no one could see me truly but perhaps it was that we can only see at the level we are in relationship to the other party. I know that gets a bit complicated and understand I do not mean I am any better because it works both ways I may not see for the level I am as well.

Here is a great article from Jennifer Hoffman that seems to embody what I am discovering.

Now this minor event triggered in me how the core of what or how we see ourselves will make our worth as it stands. We are given from the outside of oneself those that will allow one to compare. In digging deep I have some similar themes from family, whether biological or adopted they all have rejected me in some way, especially in the last couple years seem to have reached it’s peak. The more important is what was I able to take away from all this, well mostly sadness and I have realized my self-worth as well.

I may have finally gotten it. I only just read Jennifer’s article this morning and then this afternoon got the check that lead me down this road of thought today.

The layoff I had in 2008 began a journey of not being able to sustain myself. My mother died in ’09, there was no inheritance to divide so no sibling issues there. Somewhere along the line since then I could not pay my mortgage and then everything else went awry. I was told why did I wait so long to ask for help, well to be honest I had no real warning how long I would be in such a state. My thoughts were I would be okay and be able to get through and be able to sustain myself with no help. Here is where it all went wrong for me. The universe wanted me not to be alone. It was time to integrate just like the energies that were coming in.

The second part is not all can or will want to help depending on themselves but what I saw was how they responded was how they felt about me and what my worth was in the process. The worth was monetary of course. I got it all wrong. It wasn’t really about me but what stigma I have placed on worth.

What we deem small act which is usually unbeknownst to the party that gives it usually, I am thankful to see that I am more than I have let myself see of me and will try to remember this as much as I can.

Know your worth and that we are each an important part of this beautiful play where we get to play out our part, whatever that may be. Be the wonder and light up your self.



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