trusting oneself


To trust or not…

What does one do when what you do is not syncing with your heart. You feel terrible when you are doing the job that everyone else sees as something right, making fair amount of money and so forth.

Why am I questioning myself well you see what I felt and what I knew a relationship should be did not work out the way I thought it would. Now I sit here questioning my intuition about myself.

Let me dissect this a bit. I knew this job was wrong upon taking it. I felt through the short training they gave that it was done very incorrectly or not enough. Then I realized the business industry that I got myself mixed in was one of those corporations that was siphoning as much from the people as they legally could. Another part of capitalism at its best.

What is one suppose to do when one had already believed that they could not get a job in this market to begin with. When ones own family had left one to the wolves without giving any glimmer of help. Now the one place that unexpectedly gave a damn sees me ‘not doing the smart thing’ by leaving a job that is making me sick, leaves me split in what to do.

It is not like I am not trying to make this work for myself. I have looked at what I have and the time frame that could work out in this. And then the one person who you thought believes you, leaves you hanging out to dry. There is no support for what one believes in. Everyone around me still has the old ideals. I really need to be stronger this time. I have to do this for me.

Do you do good for you and give yourself a chance to be in harmony or do you make yourself a bit crazy to do the right thing for other people.

I know, the answer should be obvious.

There is no longer the luxury for pretense. I see that I have to do the right thing for me since I did not give myself the time to do so before.

I ask for the protection to do the right thing for me. Allow me to get to the end of this year intact and let me see that what i know will and can be. There isn’t much time for this kind of world so give me the grace and strength to do what is needed. I thank thee for this protection.



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